A Savage Journey to the Heart of a Mutant Dream

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FAR-GO department of agriculture seal.jpg
For Agriculture!!


Tiny three-eyed T-rex (3T for short) - Precognitive Regenerator (Now 3T+ encased in a robotic suit, making him an AI Anti-matter Blaster)


Time-traveling human with a mood zoot suit and gas mask - Hypercognitive Time Traveler

Sexy Vampire with mesh force-field shirt and fireman's pants - Pyrokinetic Vampire

Ferret with a gun strapped to his back - Demon Reanimator, then a Vaguely off-putting person wielding the dead Ferret as a weapon - Reanimated Nightmare (Left to administer the seized supply depot after Session 1, replaced with A pile of disembodied hands each wearing powered-armour gloves - Shapeshifter Swarm

A chemically-imbalanced Giant wielding a Parking Meter - Exploding Giant

A Spider covered in tin cans - Magnetic Arachnoid

The Return

...And we're back!

Gamma World

Gamma World!


Welcome back to the desolate world of Gamma Terra: a grim world that has been blasted by the Big Mistake generations ago, causing multiple parallel realities to collapse into a single fractal nightmare that you call home. Reality itself is rewritten on an almost daily basis and nothing is as it seems for very long. Life for the average Gamma Terran is solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short. Survival from one day to the next is often just a matter of luck.

Good thing you’re not fucking average then.

You are Alpha Mutants. The Alpha Flux that ripples across the world infuses you with power. You are masters of the wastes, and of your own destiny. And in mastering your destiny, you took day jobs as Inspectors for the Department of Agriculture in one of the largest bastions of civilization left in the wastes – the glittering city of Far-Go. Ripping through the wastes in your Department of Agriculture-assigned pink hover-Cadillac, armed to the teeth, you defend the rights of the DoA from the evils of the wastes.

But something has gone wrong!

On a return trip from a mission, a time-space anomaly has ripped you from your course and deposited you hundreds of miles away - outside of a tiny community named Sandy Echo, on the coast of the luminescent sea. And no matter which direction you head in or how fast you travel, you always seem to arrive right back where you started… It’s time to figure out a way to escape, or you’ll never make it back in time for this year’s radcorn harvest. And radcorn gets particularly violent if it’s not harvested in time!

The Beforetimes

Session 1 - Meet the Department of Agriculture

The Beginning

The scene opens with four Alpha Mutants wailing down the highway in their bright pink hovercar. From their badges it was clear that they were on official Far-go Department of Agriculture business. There were rumours that the Radcorn harvests of the nearby community of The Line were behind schedule, and they had been sent to investigate and to file a report.

They were, of course, armed. To the teeth.

Travelling 120mph with the top down while being suspended magnetically eight feet off of the ground and the A/C set to 'Blizzard' is the only practical way to travel, of course. Especially if the back seat is occupied by a Vampire who is so smokin' hot he might literally ignite the vehicle and incinerate everyone in it if he felt threatened.

Suddenly the rearview mirrors were filled with a flock of heinous bloodbirds descending from the skies, but nothing some well-placed automatic fire and a beautific gaze from the vampire couldn't handle. And with a quick set of high-speed in-air collisions orchestrated by the Time Traveler driver of the vehicle, the birds carcasses were left in the dust.

The Friendly Nazi

"Uh, Bobby. My name is Bobby..."

Onward to The Line and bureaucratic glory!

But first, what's this? A hitchhiker on the side of the road?

With a hover-whine the Time Traveler aimed the nose of the car directly at the young human standing by his dufflebag at the side of the road. When it became clear that there was no plan to stop the boy began to run, abandoning his possessions behind him. The car slowed to keep pace with his panicked sprint, then finally came to a stop.

"Hi, where are you going?"

"My name's Bobby, and I'm trying to get back to my folks living in The Line."

"Great Billy! Get in."

"Uh, Bobby actually..."

"Billy. Get. In."

Bobby (or Billy) was on his way back from the local Knights of Genetic Purity recruitment camp. He had washed out again, but he was determined to get in and leave his life of farming for one of action and adventure. He didn't know a whole lot about their politics, but he knew they had some cool stuff and liked him because he was human.

He of course thought he was perfectly safe discussing this to a very attractive human in the back seat and a human with a gas mask driving the car, and in front of their two pets curled up on the passenger seat.

Bobby-Billy ain't too bright.

By the time the agents of the Department of Agriculture made it to The Line, they were quite taken with Bobby-Billy. And he was absolutely terrified of them. The second the car came to a stop, he was out the door and hiding in a neighbours house, leaving the Mutants to make their own introductions.

An Evening in the Country

The Line is a community of only six small households arranged along the highway and clustered around the enormous stone silo that provides access to the vast underground cave where the Radcorn is grown, so it was a simple matter of finding the house Bobby-Billy used to live in with his sister Nancy and their mother. They turned out to be quite nice people.

Once initial introductions were made, the tiny lizard offered to use an ancient relic from the Before Times (issued to him by the Department of Agriculture for this assignment) to attempt to regrow Nancy's severed arm. Her arm, it had turned out, had been bitten off years earlier by an aggressive stalk of the Radcorn - a crucial piece of information gleaned from Bobby-Billy as it was a motivating factor in urging him to leave in the first place.

With Nancy restored, Bobby-Billy's family loved these mutants and offered them a place to sleep in their home until morning, when the Radcorn would be docile enough to be inspected. Bobby-Billy refused to enter the house while they stayed there.

The Reptile Zoo

Overnight, a number of Vine Lizards - having ripened over the mutant summer - uprooted themselves and attacked the village. Nancy casually spoke of this as an annual annoyance. A fight broke out, with Nancy and Bobby-Billy's mother being taken out almost immediately but thankfully non-fatally by radiation-eye-beams.

The vampire, clearly the victim of digestive problems due to horrible alpha-flux during the night, opened the fight by emitting a gas which tragically had a fatal chemical interaction with Demonic metabolisms and killed their pet Cat Demon (already weakened by radiation burns).

After a very tough fight the marauding fauna were fought off and the fires caused by the Vampire's presence were put out, and everyone finally got some shut-eye. And out of the darkness stumbled one of the demon-cat's reanimated monsters who had apparently gained sentience, and was now wielding the dead demon-cat as a weapon.

Load up on Guns, bring your friends

The inspection in the morning went as smoothly as could have been hoped - the Radcorn had had a very active night and so was very docile and easily accounted. Minutes later, the group was racing back to Far-go to deliver their report and convince the Department of Agriculture to open up weapons trade negotiations with The Line to break the town's dependency on the Knights of Genetic Purity for their weapons.

A number of flourishes and a batting of eyelashes from the vampire (set on full sparkle) and the Department of Agriculture had determined that the best way to handle the situation was to deck out the dangerous Alpha mutants with as much armour and weaponry as possible, and send them on a hostile takeover of the Knights' recruitment centre.

The Sixth Reich

With an enormous gatling laser mounted on the top of the hover-cadillac, the group raced towards the Knights' camp. The three inhuman-looking members took out the surrounding patrols and the sniper in the guard tower while the Vampire, posing as a highly-ranked officer, marched in and asked to inspect the troops present. Finding that there were only two officers, a handful of new recruits, and a giant guard robot, the trap was sprung.

The vampire burst into flames and nearly incinerated one of the officers while the Time traveler came crashing through the gates, splattering the recruits across the windshield like so many nazi junebugs. The reanimated monster lept onto the robot and began hotwiring it with zeal while the tiny tyranosaur fired the giant mounted gatling laser with deadly effect.

One officer seemed ready to surrender to the vampire, but in doing so got too close and burst into flames. He will be mourned.

Finally victorious, the robot lay smashed and the Knights killed, the Alpha mutants saw what they had wrought, and saw that it was good.

Session 2

What now? What comes next?

It's 106 miles to Bizz-Mark, we got a well-fed car-propulsion demon, half a pack of laser ammo, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it.

It has been almost a week since the heroic misanthropes of the Far-Go Department of Agriculture declared themselves victorious over the old powers of Tyranny and Evil. Also, they shot and punched some jerks who thought mutants were icky and their toy robot.

After receiving some reinforcements from Far-Go, and noticing that a surprisingly large collection of disembodied hands was following them, they decided to head off after the bus of recruits for the Knights of Genetic Purity, and wreck up their main training facility in these parts. But the trail led far to the West, through a metropolis known as Bizz-Mark.

It was an ominous assignment with overtones of extreme personal danger.

A Shortcut to Egg-sacks

The Great Red Hovercar raced off across the desert, now carrying the Time Traveler, 3T+ (now encased in a robotic shell), a Giant (who looked particularly unstable - chemically, that is), and a magnetic spider whose mandibles salivated ominously at the sight of pure-strain humans. They piled all the severed hands in the trunk with Billy-Bobby. Or maybe they climbed there on their own. No one wanted to get too close to them - they had just sprouted feelers...

Racing along, the hover-car approached an overturned semi across the road. Simultaneously, the car-demon let out a horrible cry and the car began to descend. It was an ambush! Knights of Genetic Purity, clad in white powered armour, lay in wait with heavy weapons and the pitiful Alpha Mutants from Far-go had fallen into their trap...

Not one Knight survived.

Quickly, the Alpha mutants looted the corpses of everything valuable, righted the Semi, and rolled the truckin' convoy towards Bizz-Mark. The car-demon also admitted that the car-stallage had been caused because he had been distracted by Bobby-Billy making a deal to get out of the trunk - and so Bobby-Billy's company was missed during the rest of the trip.

During the post-combat clean-up, one of the corpses mysteriously vanished. It likely had nothing to do with the silk-encased package crammed full of magnetic spider eggs that was seen in the darkest corner of the truck's cargo container, however.

On the way to Bismark one strange thing that had bugged them about the sudden decapitation of one of the Knights as the fight ended was a dinner plate sized buzzsaw, shaped like a badger carrying the initials BB. Nothing was thought of it until they reached the city and interrogated the terrified humans scavenging in the ghettos of the city. After some random weapon fire they were made aware of a creature called the Blue Badger, who terrorized the knights that had attempted to pass through the city.

The players decided to get to know this guy, anyone who kills Knights can't be all that bad. Several of the party decided that it would be easy to draw attention from the Badger if they went out and beatup some random human. This plan was oddly successful. The others in the party decided to go and question the remaining Knight recruits from the bus that had attempted to pass through Bismark. After a strange good cop and worse cop interrogation they decided to hire the two guys and arm them with stolen knight armor (after fitting the suit reactors with bombs). The party gathered some mutants who were eagar to kill some Knights and they set forth in the 18 wheeler built for distruction.

The Longest Invisiblest Mile

Setting forth for justice (the inalienable right to loot and pillage, plus kill humans) the 18 wheeler of doom and the pink hovercar of more doom set forward to trash the Knights of Genetic Purity's base. This was met unsurprisingly by an immense forcefield with a checkpoint guarded (spider) richly with delicious purestrain humans (/spider) and a horde of robots. Nevertheless the giant pile of taking hands contrived a plan to surprise the knights, which worked better than expected as the giant, who had shown only a mild sense of explosion, exploded a lot in rapid succession, decimating the Knights forces. Apparently this new crew of Department of Agriculture agents were more than adept at dealing with tightly grouped hordes of guys. In the 40 second orgy of distruction people were exploded through multiple types of explosions, run over and otherwise beaten into submission.

Don't mess with the Department of Agriculture, or they will mess with you.

In the last moments of explosions, the Blue Badger's face mask was knocked askew revealing a horrifying sight...

It was Bobby, who had somehow through a timey wimey incident who had become the Blue Badger.

The Sum of the dead is TOO MUCH BAGGAGE

Interesting notes for the checkpoint fight:

Prince's controlled explosion:
Round 1: 8, 16 and a critical which is 18(?) +5 = 47
Round 2: 15, 10, 18, 10, 13 = 66
Round 3: 26, 18, 15, 10, 21 = 90
Round 4: no output.
Round 5: 13
Round 6: unconcious.
Total: 216 total output of damage. Good job dude.

The Vibe

We were somewhere around Far-go on the edge of the desert when the Gamma rays began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit precognitive; maybe you should drive...." And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge radioactive birds, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to the next encounter. And a voice was screaming "Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn minions?"

Then it was quiet again. My companion had taken his shirt off and was shedding a layer of reptilian skin, to facilitate the tanning process. "What the hell are you yelling about?" he muttered, staring up at the sun with his eyes closed and covered with wraparound Spanish sunglasses. "Never mind," I said. "It's your turn to drive." I hit the brakes and aimed the Great Red Hovercar toward the shoulder of the highway. No point mentioning those birds, I thought. The poor bastard will see them soon enough.

It was almost noon, and we still had more than a dozen battlemaps to go. They would be tough maps. Very soon, I knew, we would all be completely twisted. But there was no going back, and no time to rest. We would have to roll it out. Member registration for the fabulous adventuring party was already underway, and we had to get there by four to claim our XP. A crazed gamemaster had taken care of the reservations, along with this huge hovercar we'd just bought off some pigmen from gods know where . . . and I was, after all, a professional PC ; so I had an obligation to punch stuff, for good or ill.

--shamelessly stolen from this RPG.net thread.